Be the Best Version of YOU

So the other day a friend sent me a gorgeous list of 30 things to stop doing to yourself. I absolutely love it, and while I am not going to list all 30, I may take pieces from here or there and use them in posts, like I will today. 

Number 5 is to stop trying to be someone you are not. We can all relate to this. Growing up, we all wanted to have the coolest clothes, the best toys, the designer labels...and the older we get it just gets a little worse. We all try to impress, either by living beyond our means, living in the "cool" neighborhood or whatever the reason may be. Most of the time we are trying to impress people we cant even stand, or who dont care about us in any way. 

What happens when we spend all of our time worrying about everyone else? Clearly, we forget to focus on ourselves. Often in dance, we spend the entire time judging others, comparing ourselves, and focusing on what we CAN'T do, instead of what we can. If you are always watching the girl with perfect turnout, and forcing yours, you're going to damange your body. But maybe you are a better jumper. or turner. And instead of improving what you are already good at, you are worried about topping that which you dont have. 

Often, we look in the mirror and see what we DON'T have. We all want to be skinner, prettier, taller, different hair, whatever the case is, instead of realizing that perhaps all those years at dance gave you awesome legs. Or your arms are gorgeous from all the port de bras. You may be stronger than most. You have passion, you can express yourself. You are disciplined. You have a million qualities that make you just as good as the next person, but you dont see them. 

We spend entirely too much time focusing on the negative. A negative mind does not produce a positive life. You are an amazing person and each and every thing about you is special and unique. Dont compare yourself to the person next to you, dont try and impress those who mean so little to you. As soon as you discover you are happy with yourself, others will flock to you. Who doesnt want to be around the person who is always happy and smiling? And the only way to do that is accept who you are. Focus on what you have, and not what you do not. 

Be the best version of yourself. No one is perfect, but everyone is worth it. We all desrve to be loved and respected for who we are, and as soon as you realize that YOU are special, awesome, gorgeous and talented in your own right you will be a much happier person. I know growing up is hard and the struggle to fit in is often greater than wanting to be who you are. But I promise, the quicker you learn to love yourself, the quicker everyone else will and you will be a MUCH happier person.

Quitters Never Win...

I think that the degree of effort and hard work that gets put into things nowadays is severely lacking. And, as a parent, or guardian, or educator, you owe it to yourself and your children/students to instill values that will follow them through life.

Life is hard. I constantly am reminding my students of this, it is my answer to everything, whether it be “I’m tired”, or “this is hard”. Yes. Yes it is, and it probably won’t get any easier as time goes on. However, that is not a reason to give up on something, or even someone. 

What challenges us makes us stronger. Better. Able to handle more. Those who can push through often come out on the other side happier, albeit not without scars. And scars are okay.  With them, we know we gave 100%. 

With that being said, when you commit to something, it is exactly that. It is a commitment. You don’t get to stop halfway through, and decide, “well, it got hard. I got bored. I just don’t want to.” These are excuses. Most of the time, when you quit, especially an activity like dance, you are not quitting on yourself. You are quitting on the choreographer who spent weeks creating pieces (sometimes based around YOU) planning spaces, rehearsing. You are quitting on your teammates, who rely on you, who shoulder just as much responsibility as you. You are quitting on your parents, who probably have invested years of their money on you. (When they could’ve taken a vacation twice a year with what they spent on lessons and costumes.) You are walking out on friends, on a team, a commitment you made to be a part of something larger than you. 

As a parent, there is no way you should teach your child that quitting is ok. I understand the older you get the more responsibility you take on. But that is going to happen all your life. What happens when you get a job, and it just gets to be “too much?” Do you quit? Who pays the rent? The car payments? The electric bill? Sometimes things get in the way, and we forget how much something means to us once we give it up. Take a break, but don’t quit. Your commitment is going to be something that eventually people will rely on. If you back out of everything starting now, no one will want to work with you later on. 

Unfortunately, or fortunately, my mother never let me stop anything. If I decided I didn’t want to do it, that was fine. But I was finishing the year, semester, program, class…whatever it was. I didn’t have to go back, but I couldn’t stop cold turkey. I learned that sometimes we have to finish this we might not like. That sometimes I ended up LIKING that which I thought I did not. That at the end the sense of completion was a much better feeling that having to say, “I quit.” 

So knock it off. Yes, life gets in the way, yes, things get hard. But you push through, you learn time management, and you end up being a better person later on and life. So put down your phone, get your stuff, and get in class. And love it.

Hard Work Beats Talent

I love the phrase “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” 

I was reflecting the other day on my NYC marathon finish. A pretty big accomplishment if you ask me, especially considering I am not a runner. Well now I am. Scratch that. I am a marathoner. :) 

However, the process made me think about a few things, especially with my students reactions. Most were in awe, and statements such as, “you’re crazy” “i could never do that” and the such were flying around the room. But it got me to thinking, why COULDN’T you do that? 

We all take daunting tasks that at one point seem so formidable, and look back after accomplishing them, and wonder why we ever thought it was impossible. In order for ANYTHING to be possible, someone had to take the first step in achieving that goal to make it possible for the rest of us. 

With hard work, anything can be accomplished. We are all capable of greatness, we just have to look within ourselves and decide just how hard we are willing to work to achieve that greatness. We should put nothing out of reach, because that limits ourselves, and honestly? We are limitless. 

Success comes to those who put the work into it. I have seen so many naturally talented students, who, as the years and demand increased, the effort decreased. You can only get by talent for so long, before the work comes into play. There will be dancers who are hungrier, who want it more, that are willing to sacrifice the parties, the socials, the nights with friends…for one more night in the studio, for ONE more fouetté combination, for holding that split one more minute….its that little extra push that takes the “I can’ts” into “I cans.” 

If you have never tried something, then how do you know you can’t do it? Did you TRY to run 26 miles and fail? No? Then you probably can. And if you don’t do it the first time (and more power to you if you can :) then you go and try again. It’s baby steps. 3 miles.the next day four. And so on, until magically, you have ran 26. 

It is us who puts limits on ourselves, and if we remove those limits I believe anything is possible. Why not try to find out, the next time you feel like saying, “I can’t?”

RESPECT

Why is it that everyone wants to learn to run before they have started crawling? Instant gratification is more the norm nowadays, and as a teacher, it makes teaching very hard. Ten years ago, when a teacher gave you a correction, their word was good as gold. Now, it’s “I wasn’t doing that” or “my shoulders WERE down.” 

Oh I forgot. I love speaking just to hear my voice. I have a great voice, so of course, I want to listen to myself constantly. If I correct you, it’s because regardless of what you think, you were wrong. Or incorrect. Or not right. However you want to word it, you made a mistake. And that’s ok. Because if you DIDN’T make mistakes, I would be out of a job. 

However, long gone are they days of respect when you were EXCITED that a teacher singled you, yes YOU, out of a room to correct. It means they saw something worth fixing. It meant you had potential. It meant you were worth watching. You didn’t cry, you didn’t have mom call up and complain that “Miss Jenn constantly picks on my daughter. Either she goes or we go.” 

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. 

When did we become not only dance teachers, but parents as well? Teaching manners should NOT be something that we waste time on in class. Manners should be something you already learned. At home. I don’t need to tell you to not talk in class, to show respect for your teachers or elders. You should KNOW that. 

There is no excuse for bad behavior. Just because dance is evolving should not mean that our behavior in class does as well. If a teacher corrects you, don’t complain. It’s a good thing. If they ask you to do something, don’t whine. Just do it. Don’t roll you eyes, say I can’t, (which are inevitably the most annoying words to cross my ears and are not allowed in my classroom) sign loudly, and please, don’t yawn in class. Are you bored? If you are going to yawn, DEFINITELY do not NOT cover your mouth and add in sound effects. What if I stood in front of the room and yawned? I’d be a pretty terrible teacher. 

Again, it all comes back to basic parenting skills. If you are allowed to speak and act a certain way at home, chances are, that will transfer into the classroom. And chances are, your little darling and I are going to clash over what is deemed as respect. 

So next time your teacher corrects you, how about a thank you? Thank you for taking the time to make me the best dancer that I can become? 

It’ll make our day.

When did Competition become.....NOT competition?

So when did competition turn into NOT competition? When did it become okay for everyone to get something? last time I looked, wikepedia definted competition as:  Competition in biology, ecology, and sociology, is a contest between organisms, animals, individuals, groups, etc., for territory, a niche, or a location of resources, for resources and goods, mates, for prestige, recognition, awards, or group or social status, for leadership. Competition is the opposite of cooperation.  It arises whenever at least two parties strive for a goal which cannot be shared or which is desired individually but not in sharing and cooperation.” 

Interesting. So it pretty much states competition arises when two CANNOT share the same goal. Therefore, when did it become okay in competition for EVERYONE to get something? 

When I was little, you knew which dance competitions were hard. Which you were going to have to WORK to get those “gold” medals. YOu knew which ones you could walk away with easy golds, but did you ever feel good? Not really…because you know that a “gold” at such and such was really a “bronze” and a big name. Certain competitions had first, second and third, and honorable mention. You didnt place? You got a great big “Congrats! Try again next year” and boy did you try again. Because THAT was a genuine, earned medal. 

But then, some cranky parent, who probably lost a lot as a kid, started complaining. Because her not-so-talented Susie didnt get a medal. She didn’t get first, second, or third….no siree….she didnt even get an honoroable mention. And her self esteeem suffered. Susie cried. Mom got mad. Studio Owner got a mouthful. And the next thing you know, competitions are “adjudicated” and everyone goes away with “something.” 

This is why we have a crisis on our hands. This is why kids dont listen is class, why they expect everything to be handed to them. Long gone are the days of earning something, now its EXPECTED. We dont work for what we want. We cry, throw tantrums, have mommy or daddy complain, and Voila! Instant solo, medal, trophy…etc etc etc. We are raising a bunch of spoiled brats, kids who have NO idea of what the satisfaction of hard work actually feels like. I actually had a student turn to me one day after being reprimanded for doing a step continually wrong and say “Who cares? Mom thinks I am cute no matter what I do.” She was 16. Embarrasing. 

I think it is unnecessary to make sure everyone leaves happy. I guess on the flip side, in the time when there are more competitions than ever, more choices, its easy to say, give everyone the biggest best trophy ever! then theyll want to come back! But wouldnt you want to be know as the competition with character? Integrity? The one everyone wants to win at because it really means you are truly a technical artist? 

And OMG. Do not get me started on the awards system. I Had a student one of my first years as a teacher, who ran offstage. She got a bronze. She refused to go onstage for her award..as bronze was REALLY BAD. Of course kid, you ran offstage…what did you think? high gold? High Silver was a norm. then gold, high gold….MAYBE a platinum somewhere….and oh man, that Platinum was just like the holy grail. You WANTED it. Now, people get upset with silver. So it changed to…gold. high gold. Platinum. Diamond. Really? Diamond? And NOW..its even more crazy. Its more like, Platinum. Titanium. Super Sparkle Princess Award. What the hell? Come on competitions. Give out Bronzes. We will respect you for it. And If any student gets mad…and the teacher leaves beucase it was “unfair” well….then they are the ones feeding into it. I always tell my kids, “you may be the best in this room at this given time, but go anywhere else, and there will always be someone who can kick your rump.” While it may be harsh, its the truth. and quite honestly, kids could use a little bit more truth, and a little less sugar coating.